Dear Readers:
I'm still digging through the emails that accumulated in my Inbox during the shutdown of a large Facebook group that I used to administer. If you're wondering if I'll ever get to your request, the answer is YES but it's probably not going to happen overnight. I'm in the process of wrapping up a yearlong consulting project and launching my "what's next" so please be patient. (Plus, I'm doing this from a coffee shop so it's not like I'm not distracted ... SHINY! SQUIRREL! WEIRD 80s SOUNDTRACK!)
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Dear Julie: My problem is petty but I need some advice on how to handle a really weird thing that happened at my work. (Background: I've been there for three years, inherited a staff of 6 and we haven't had any hires/fires in those years but we're about to add 6 more because of a huge federal grant.) My office manager Sue has been here for a decade and is an institution. Everyone knows Sue and since it's a small town, everyone means nearly every person within a 10 mile radius. On Monday, Sue told me that she wants to be known as Stan and that she wants me to introduce her to all of the new staff members as Stan, using male pronouns. (Names changed, obviously.) Help!
Well, please give Stan my best wishes on a successful transition. Isn't it great that he thought enough of your relationship to share such a personal and important part of his life? (Yeah, this isn't going the way you thought, is it?) So here's the deal, workplace transition needs to be 100% driven by the person transitioning and there are some great resources out there for guiding and advising you during the process. I recommend that you consult the Human Rights Campaign website, read this Fast Company article and bring in a paid consultant to help you all make sure that your policies and practices honor and respect Stan's wishes and language preference.
One of my dearest friends has started a little project in which she empowers her friends to have #unpopularopinionfriday where we can all sound off about things that we believe/feel that may go against what's commonly popular. I love this idea and so my response to this is probably going to rub some people the wrong way and as being too "politically correct" but here's the thing ... Stan is a human being worthy of your respect. They have been a faithful employee of your organization for a decade and they are going through some serious life changes. They TRUST you and you have to honor that trust and uplift them as the valuable and important community member that they are. Is there going to be blowback? Maybe. So here's what you say:
To Your Board: Dear Board Members, longtime and valued employee Sue Smith will be known as Stan Smith and will be using he/his pronouns going forward. Please join me in supporting Stan and continuing our longstanding commitment to our community, service and people.
To Bigoted Donors: Dear Murgatroyd, Thank you so much for sharing your opinion with me regarding Stan Smith. ORG has a long-standing commitment to equity and inclusion in the workplace and I am proud of ORG for upholding our legal and moral obligations to our staff. We will continue to provide IMPORTANT SERVICE and hope that you will continue to support that work.
To the Media: What the hell? Unless Stan wants to do a media article, this isn't newsworthy and if some stupid local reporter sniffs around get on your highest horse and say "well, bless your heart, it must be a slow news day if you're asking about someone's private life. Have you asked NAME OF PROMINENT PERSON about their recent bunion surgery as well? ORG does not ever comment on the private lives of our employees."
So what's unpopular here? Well, there are certain segments of our nonprofit sector (cough*east coast*cough*west coast*) that think the middle of the country is filled with Confederate flags, inbred people and 1950s ways of operating. The LGBTQ+ community is alive and well in the middle part of the U.S. and so I'm going to turn this on those who might think that everything outside of the "progressive coasts" are backassward. Not today, Satan.
And Stan? You've got this. #fistbump
I'm still digging through the emails that accumulated in my Inbox during the shutdown of a large Facebook group that I used to administer. If you're wondering if I'll ever get to your request, the answer is YES but it's probably not going to happen overnight. I'm in the process of wrapping up a yearlong consulting project and launching my "what's next" so please be patient. (Plus, I'm doing this from a coffee shop so it's not like I'm not distracted ... SHINY! SQUIRREL! WEIRD 80s SOUNDTRACK!)
____________________________________________________
Dear Julie: My problem is petty but I need some advice on how to handle a really weird thing that happened at my work. (Background: I've been there for three years, inherited a staff of 6 and we haven't had any hires/fires in those years but we're about to add 6 more because of a huge federal grant.) My office manager Sue has been here for a decade and is an institution. Everyone knows Sue and since it's a small town, everyone means nearly every person within a 10 mile radius. On Monday, Sue told me that she wants to be known as Stan and that she wants me to introduce her to all of the new staff members as Stan, using male pronouns. (Names changed, obviously.) Help!
Well, please give Stan my best wishes on a successful transition. Isn't it great that he thought enough of your relationship to share such a personal and important part of his life? (Yeah, this isn't going the way you thought, is it?) So here's the deal, workplace transition needs to be 100% driven by the person transitioning and there are some great resources out there for guiding and advising you during the process. I recommend that you consult the Human Rights Campaign website, read this Fast Company article and bring in a paid consultant to help you all make sure that your policies and practices honor and respect Stan's wishes and language preference.
One of my dearest friends has started a little project in which she empowers her friends to have #unpopularopinionfriday where we can all sound off about things that we believe/feel that may go against what's commonly popular. I love this idea and so my response to this is probably going to rub some people the wrong way and as being too "politically correct" but here's the thing ... Stan is a human being worthy of your respect. They have been a faithful employee of your organization for a decade and they are going through some serious life changes. They TRUST you and you have to honor that trust and uplift them as the valuable and important community member that they are. Is there going to be blowback? Maybe. So here's what you say:
To Your Board: Dear Board Members, longtime and valued employee Sue Smith will be known as Stan Smith and will be using he/his pronouns going forward. Please join me in supporting Stan and continuing our longstanding commitment to our community, service and people.
To Bigoted Donors: Dear Murgatroyd, Thank you so much for sharing your opinion with me regarding Stan Smith. ORG has a long-standing commitment to equity and inclusion in the workplace and I am proud of ORG for upholding our legal and moral obligations to our staff. We will continue to provide IMPORTANT SERVICE and hope that you will continue to support that work.
To the Media: What the hell? Unless Stan wants to do a media article, this isn't newsworthy and if some stupid local reporter sniffs around get on your highest horse and say "well, bless your heart, it must be a slow news day if you're asking about someone's private life. Have you asked NAME OF PROMINENT PERSON about their recent bunion surgery as well? ORG does not ever comment on the private lives of our employees."
So what's unpopular here? Well, there are certain segments of our nonprofit sector (cough*east coast*cough*west coast*) that think the middle of the country is filled with Confederate flags, inbred people and 1950s ways of operating. The LGBTQ+ community is alive and well in the middle part of the U.S. and so I'm going to turn this on those who might think that everything outside of the "progressive coasts" are backassward. Not today, Satan.
And Stan? You've got this. #fistbump
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