Good Morning, my dears! I have a couple of updates for everyone because it's FRIDAY! Updates are from previous posts from the now defunct column in a Facebook group so I'll add a little background.
My New Board Chair is a Raging Racist and ORG is a Plantation
One of our most popular posts from early this year, our fair ED runs an educational and historical site on the grounds of a former plantation. The owners of the plantation enslaved people and the grand property and business were successful because of this deplorable and racist practice. The nonprofit that now owns and runs this property has done an admirable job of acknowledging this history and has made significant strides to educate their community and visitors about the history while investing in expertise from people of color. The ED wrote because their new Board Chair (former head of the investments committee) showed up in a big old truck with a confederate flag flying and demanded that the org remove all references to how terrible slavery is/was and how complicit the owners of the plantation were. I suggested a variety of options including vaguely referring to unbreakable grant agreements and getting a lawyer STAT. We have an update!
Dear Julie: First of all, thank you for giving me my new favorite term: ULFIT (ugly little fucker in truck) because that is my life. Now that I have a term for these jerks, I can say it, laugh and no one is the wiser. Second of all, YOU WERE SO RIGHT. (Really? Tell me more!) I took your advice and babbled about the boilerplate language in X grant from Y entity and how changes would have to go before Z body with input from Dr So and So and Dean Such and Such. I also brought in the head of the university department with whom we've consulted and she is this incredible woman of color with multiple degrees and a stare that will freeze water at 50 paces. She spoke at our next board meeting and "Beauregard" couldn't make eye contact with her or anyone else in the room. So one of my quietest board members (I thought she might actually be hard of hearing) piped up and said "so, what you're saying is that ORG is actually doing everything right and we're a model for other historical sites and removing any of the language, educational materials or otherwise whitewashing the history here is pretty much the definition of being an ignorant motherfucking racist, right? AND THEN SHE BLESSED HIS HEART IN PUBLIC. Fast forward to a month later and he didn't show up for the board meeting but I've brought in two of our bigger individual donors to hear all about how historically accurate we are thanks to their investment. Our Vice Chair ran the meeting and Ms. Bless His Heart piped up again and told our donors "well, it was great timing that you came tonight because otherwise you would have had to deal with Beauregard. That boy ain't right. Bless his heart" and then I think I died because both of the donors agreed with her and suggested that Beauregard should get gone STAT. So the Board went into Executive Session and voted him off the Board that night.
I'm not really sure I can ever top this story. You are a badass and your board is pretty darn great. Well done, ED friend. Well done.
My Board Member Tried to Feel Me Up at a Fundraising Event
Confession: I don't remember this one but I got an email update the other day and it was good enough to pass along!
Hey Julie! I'm so glad to see that Dear Murgatroyd lives on. You probably don't remember this but you posted this for me anonymously and then gave me a DM response in the comments so I wanted to tell you how things worked out. My board member (male, mid 50s, married) was very friendly and instrumental in my hiring. I'm a male, mid 30s, married and my husband and I are expanding our family. (CONGRATS!!!) This Board Member was so very friendly and warm, invited us over for dinners and BBQs and to play golf and sent flowers when we brought home our first child and remembered birthdays and then we had a craft cocktail fundraiser event at a local bar. I was sipping club soda and he was on his fourth or fifth drink and he made a very clumsy pass at me including placing his hands in a location outside of the nonprofit acceptable touching zone (hands, shoulders, upper back in general, across the lower back only for group photos). I rebuffed his advances and suddenly needed to be across the room talking to someone/anyone else.
You advised me to invite BM Handsy to a meeting in my office with another board member present and to let him know that while you were sure he didn't intend to make you uncomfortable, he crossed an ethical and professional line with you at the event. So I did it. I had my board treasurer there and she said nothing and let me talk. BM Handsy didn't exactly admit to it but he started in on the whole gaslighting thing (a term I learned from you!) about how I must have misunderstood and I was probably drunk blah blah blah.
I called him out, told him that I was a club soda drinker at work events and that his behavior was unacceptable. I gave him two options: resign from the board under his own terms "busy work schedule, family matters" or he could attend a mandatory workplace harassment training and then do a training for our entire board within in the next three months at his own expense.
He opted to resign. My treasurer now thinks I walk on water. I think maybe I walk on club soda.
Do you have a communications conundrum? Would you like me to help you navigate a difficult situation? Send an email to dearmurgatroyd@gmail.com and I'll post my response here! Happy Friday1
My New Board Chair is a Raging Racist and ORG is a Plantation
One of our most popular posts from early this year, our fair ED runs an educational and historical site on the grounds of a former plantation. The owners of the plantation enslaved people and the grand property and business were successful because of this deplorable and racist practice. The nonprofit that now owns and runs this property has done an admirable job of acknowledging this history and has made significant strides to educate their community and visitors about the history while investing in expertise from people of color. The ED wrote because their new Board Chair (former head of the investments committee) showed up in a big old truck with a confederate flag flying and demanded that the org remove all references to how terrible slavery is/was and how complicit the owners of the plantation were. I suggested a variety of options including vaguely referring to unbreakable grant agreements and getting a lawyer STAT. We have an update!
Dear Julie: First of all, thank you for giving me my new favorite term: ULFIT (ugly little fucker in truck) because that is my life. Now that I have a term for these jerks, I can say it, laugh and no one is the wiser. Second of all, YOU WERE SO RIGHT. (Really? Tell me more!) I took your advice and babbled about the boilerplate language in X grant from Y entity and how changes would have to go before Z body with input from Dr So and So and Dean Such and Such. I also brought in the head of the university department with whom we've consulted and she is this incredible woman of color with multiple degrees and a stare that will freeze water at 50 paces. She spoke at our next board meeting and "Beauregard" couldn't make eye contact with her or anyone else in the room. So one of my quietest board members (I thought she might actually be hard of hearing) piped up and said "so, what you're saying is that ORG is actually doing everything right and we're a model for other historical sites and removing any of the language, educational materials or otherwise whitewashing the history here is pretty much the definition of being an ignorant motherfucking racist, right? AND THEN SHE BLESSED HIS HEART IN PUBLIC. Fast forward to a month later and he didn't show up for the board meeting but I've brought in two of our bigger individual donors to hear all about how historically accurate we are thanks to their investment. Our Vice Chair ran the meeting and Ms. Bless His Heart piped up again and told our donors "well, it was great timing that you came tonight because otherwise you would have had to deal with Beauregard. That boy ain't right. Bless his heart" and then I think I died because both of the donors agreed with her and suggested that Beauregard should get gone STAT. So the Board went into Executive Session and voted him off the Board that night.
I'm not really sure I can ever top this story. You are a badass and your board is pretty darn great. Well done, ED friend. Well done.
My Board Member Tried to Feel Me Up at a Fundraising Event
Confession: I don't remember this one but I got an email update the other day and it was good enough to pass along!
Hey Julie! I'm so glad to see that Dear Murgatroyd lives on. You probably don't remember this but you posted this for me anonymously and then gave me a DM response in the comments so I wanted to tell you how things worked out. My board member (male, mid 50s, married) was very friendly and instrumental in my hiring. I'm a male, mid 30s, married and my husband and I are expanding our family. (CONGRATS!!!) This Board Member was so very friendly and warm, invited us over for dinners and BBQs and to play golf and sent flowers when we brought home our first child and remembered birthdays and then we had a craft cocktail fundraiser event at a local bar. I was sipping club soda and he was on his fourth or fifth drink and he made a very clumsy pass at me including placing his hands in a location outside of the nonprofit acceptable touching zone (hands, shoulders, upper back in general, across the lower back only for group photos). I rebuffed his advances and suddenly needed to be across the room talking to someone/anyone else.
You advised me to invite BM Handsy to a meeting in my office with another board member present and to let him know that while you were sure he didn't intend to make you uncomfortable, he crossed an ethical and professional line with you at the event. So I did it. I had my board treasurer there and she said nothing and let me talk. BM Handsy didn't exactly admit to it but he started in on the whole gaslighting thing (a term I learned from you!) about how I must have misunderstood and I was probably drunk blah blah blah.
I called him out, told him that I was a club soda drinker at work events and that his behavior was unacceptable. I gave him two options: resign from the board under his own terms "busy work schedule, family matters" or he could attend a mandatory workplace harassment training and then do a training for our entire board within in the next three months at his own expense.
He opted to resign. My treasurer now thinks I walk on water. I think maybe I walk on club soda.
Do you have a communications conundrum? Would you like me to help you navigate a difficult situation? Send an email to dearmurgatroyd@gmail.com and I'll post my response here! Happy Friday1
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