I'm traveling this week(end) and so am writing this missive from an airport terminal. As a recovering road warrior, I have to say that Washington DCA airport has made some delightful improvements from the food on offer (still overpriced but much healthier) to the free WiFi to the ability to charge ones phone/laptop while working at a table at human height rather than those obnoxious tall things where you have to sit on an uncomfortable stool and your legs go numb and then you fall down when you try to get to your gate. What, this only happens to me? Right.
Today's letter comes from one of the latest sources of personal conflict and community drama: social media posts.
Dear Julie:
Someone with whom I am acquainted wrote a post accusing someone of something terrible. They included enough identifying information that the person being accused can easily be identified and happens to be a personal friend of mine. The Accuser is well known to me and has a history for not telling the whole truth and "nothing but the truth". In fact, I was on a board that fired the Accuser for lying. I've known the Accuser for 15 years and I've known the Accused for 10. The thing that the Accused has been "charged with" is fireable and the Accuser is planning to drop this bombshell on the Accused at a surprise meeting with the board president. What should I do?
Dear Friend in the Middle:
Well this is quite the pickle, isn't it? The Accuser sounds like someone who isn't very nice (or discrete since they posting about confidential matters in such a way that they are identifiable) and since you have the inside scoop on the Accuser's character and history, I think you are uniquely placed to make something happen here that's a win-win for (almost) everyone involved.
I suggest that you do a quite analysis and make sure you know ALL of the players (who's who on all of the boards) in case there's a "surprise" of your own that could blow back in your face. Your job here is to be Pollyanna Positive of the Primrose Path. You are going to have to practice your SHOCKED, SIMPLY SHOCKED face and incorporate a few key phrases into your vocabulary STAT.
I would CALL your board chair and let him/her/them know that "you've been made aware that an employee over at XYZ organization is engaging in unethical and potentially slanderous behavior and that you're going to give ED at partner org a head's up but you wanted them to know because THEY are always such a paragon of ethics and personal integrity that you knew they would want to be aware of this terrible thing and that you knew they would support you in Doing The Right Thing". Please try to say this while smiling as the Mona Lisa so that your calm, professional demeanor comes through the telephone. I believe Miss Tyra refers to it as SMIZING.
Then, you are going to CALL ED at other organization and explain that there is a bit of an emergency and that you need to speak with them IMMEDIATELY in a location that will not be seen or overheard. I like to go stand in the middle of cornfields without cellphones but that's a bit dramatic. You are then going to tell other ED that the Accuser is up to no good and without violating any confidences or legal agreements into which you might be entered, you let them know that Accuser has made a public accusation of Accused for doing X in Y way about Z thing (or whatever). Tell the Accused that you know that Accuser "has a history of stretching, bending or otherwise NOT telling the truth about things and that since you have known Accused for a decade and like/respect them, you wanted them to know that Accuser is planning to pounce in the very near future with a blindside attack with board chair". Depending on how you found out about the accusation, you should probably take a screenshot or in some other way document that the accusation has been made. Since the Accuser has a bit of a history of not telling the truth, they might just be posturing/bragging but I would keep a copy just in case.
My guess is that the Accused is aware that the Accuser is problematic and has been documenting some of the issues. This gives them the opportunity to have a chat with their own board chair and see if they can't turn the tables on the Accuser.
Now, if it's true that your friend (the Accused) really did do X Thing or said Y Thing or behaved in Z way, then they have a minute to reflect, consider their own course of action to correct, improve or make amends. People are people and we all make mistakes, get into situations where they are out of their depth and make colossal errors in judgement for the most mundane reasons. (I, for example, got a little giddy today during an important meeting because I couldn't sleep last night and overdid the coffee/sugar so I probably sounded a bit like a deranged chipmunk for a bit of the meeting.)
OK, so you have your plan of action here but you have to remember to only address this in The Most Shocked Terms. You are SHOCKED that Accuser would take to social media to discuss such an issue where the Accused is so readily identified. You are SHOCKED that the Accused would be accused of such a thing because you have known them professionally for a decade and hold them in high esteem. You are SHOCKED that the Accuser got a job with ORG because you had "such an unfortunate experience with them previously that I would have a hard time believing anything they said without secondary confirmation".
Now, your friend, The Accused, might want you to speak directly with their board chair and that might just be a good thing but DO NOT put anything in writing and DO NOT speculate, gossip or otherwise engage in anything other than the MOST SHOCKED, eyebrows raised, "concerned for our community" factual statements. "Accuser made a public statement in LOCATION about Accused and ORG in such a way that anyone in COMMUNITY/REGION would know that it was about ORGANIZATION and I am concerned that these kinds of allegations could cause long-lasting harm to ORG and COMMUNITY SERVED." You can also say "in YEAR, I served on the board of ORG where Accused was employed as ROLE and had the unfortunate responsibility of terminating their employment for WHATEVER THING THEY DID. I had hoped that with time and some reflection, Accuser might have learned a bit more discretion / professionalism / integrity however this most recent incident aligns with the WHATEVER THING THEY DID investigation findings X years ago. I'm sorry to have to share this with you but as someone who has served on boards, I know that you will be glad to have as much information as possible should this come up. I hope, dearly, that this was just a situation where Accuser was venting and nothing will come of it but I think, perhaps, that Accuser is so ... PAUSE PAUSE PAUSE ... deeply troubled that they might not be suited to PAUSE PAUSE PAUSE the nonprofit sector. Thanks for your time. Please do not hesitate to give me a call should you have any additional questions.
And then you smile like the Mona Lisa and never talk about it again except to me so I can update the post.
Today's letter comes from one of the latest sources of personal conflict and community drama: social media posts.
Dear Julie:
Someone with whom I am acquainted wrote a post accusing someone of something terrible. They included enough identifying information that the person being accused can easily be identified and happens to be a personal friend of mine. The Accuser is well known to me and has a history for not telling the whole truth and "nothing but the truth". In fact, I was on a board that fired the Accuser for lying. I've known the Accuser for 15 years and I've known the Accused for 10. The thing that the Accused has been "charged with" is fireable and the Accuser is planning to drop this bombshell on the Accused at a surprise meeting with the board president. What should I do?
Dear Friend in the Middle:
Well this is quite the pickle, isn't it? The Accuser sounds like someone who isn't very nice (or discrete since they posting about confidential matters in such a way that they are identifiable) and since you have the inside scoop on the Accuser's character and history, I think you are uniquely placed to make something happen here that's a win-win for (almost) everyone involved.
I suggest that you do a quite analysis and make sure you know ALL of the players (who's who on all of the boards) in case there's a "surprise" of your own that could blow back in your face. Your job here is to be Pollyanna Positive of the Primrose Path. You are going to have to practice your SHOCKED, SIMPLY SHOCKED face and incorporate a few key phrases into your vocabulary STAT.
I would CALL your board chair and let him/her/them know that "you've been made aware that an employee over at XYZ organization is engaging in unethical and potentially slanderous behavior and that you're going to give ED at partner org a head's up but you wanted them to know because THEY are always such a paragon of ethics and personal integrity that you knew they would want to be aware of this terrible thing and that you knew they would support you in Doing The Right Thing". Please try to say this while smiling as the Mona Lisa so that your calm, professional demeanor comes through the telephone. I believe Miss Tyra refers to it as SMIZING.
Then, you are going to CALL ED at other organization and explain that there is a bit of an emergency and that you need to speak with them IMMEDIATELY in a location that will not be seen or overheard. I like to go stand in the middle of cornfields without cellphones but that's a bit dramatic. You are then going to tell other ED that the Accuser is up to no good and without violating any confidences or legal agreements into which you might be entered, you let them know that Accuser has made a public accusation of Accused for doing X in Y way about Z thing (or whatever). Tell the Accused that you know that Accuser "has a history of stretching, bending or otherwise NOT telling the truth about things and that since you have known Accused for a decade and like/respect them, you wanted them to know that Accuser is planning to pounce in the very near future with a blindside attack with board chair". Depending on how you found out about the accusation, you should probably take a screenshot or in some other way document that the accusation has been made. Since the Accuser has a bit of a history of not telling the truth, they might just be posturing/bragging but I would keep a copy just in case.
My guess is that the Accused is aware that the Accuser is problematic and has been documenting some of the issues. This gives them the opportunity to have a chat with their own board chair and see if they can't turn the tables on the Accuser.
Now, if it's true that your friend (the Accused) really did do X Thing or said Y Thing or behaved in Z way, then they have a minute to reflect, consider their own course of action to correct, improve or make amends. People are people and we all make mistakes, get into situations where they are out of their depth and make colossal errors in judgement for the most mundane reasons. (I, for example, got a little giddy today during an important meeting because I couldn't sleep last night and overdid the coffee/sugar so I probably sounded a bit like a deranged chipmunk for a bit of the meeting.)
OK, so you have your plan of action here but you have to remember to only address this in The Most Shocked Terms. You are SHOCKED that Accuser would take to social media to discuss such an issue where the Accused is so readily identified. You are SHOCKED that the Accused would be accused of such a thing because you have known them professionally for a decade and hold them in high esteem. You are SHOCKED that the Accuser got a job with ORG because you had "such an unfortunate experience with them previously that I would have a hard time believing anything they said without secondary confirmation".
Now, your friend, The Accused, might want you to speak directly with their board chair and that might just be a good thing but DO NOT put anything in writing and DO NOT speculate, gossip or otherwise engage in anything other than the MOST SHOCKED, eyebrows raised, "concerned for our community" factual statements. "Accuser made a public statement in LOCATION about Accused and ORG in such a way that anyone in COMMUNITY/REGION would know that it was about ORGANIZATION and I am concerned that these kinds of allegations could cause long-lasting harm to ORG and COMMUNITY SERVED." You can also say "in YEAR, I served on the board of ORG where Accused was employed as ROLE and had the unfortunate responsibility of terminating their employment for WHATEVER THING THEY DID. I had hoped that with time and some reflection, Accuser might have learned a bit more discretion / professionalism / integrity however this most recent incident aligns with the WHATEVER THING THEY DID investigation findings X years ago. I'm sorry to have to share this with you but as someone who has served on boards, I know that you will be glad to have as much information as possible should this come up. I hope, dearly, that this was just a situation where Accuser was venting and nothing will come of it but I think, perhaps, that Accuser is so ... PAUSE PAUSE PAUSE ... deeply troubled that they might not be suited to PAUSE PAUSE PAUSE the nonprofit sector. Thanks for your time. Please do not hesitate to give me a call should you have any additional questions.
And then you smile like the Mona Lisa and never talk about it again except to me so I can update the post.
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