Dear Julie: I travel a lot for work with a couple of people from my team. We usually travel within the U.S. but sometimes we have international flights because we work for one of the big name nonprofits. I am probably on the road/in the air two weeks a month and am naturally a pretty mellow person. My most regular travel partner is Beauregard and he's not a good traveler. The slightest delay or change in plans sends him into a tailspin that can cast a shadow over an entire day, sometimes a week. We are equals at work but I am more senior by two years. Our manager is remote and works outside the U.S. and when we meet, we spend most of our time struggling through language barriers which is a whole other email. How can I handle Beauregard so that his meltdowns do not ruin my travel and work product?
Well, well, well ... you have a Drama Llama! Bless his heart. So, here's the deal, you're going to have to handle this and manage your manager in the process. So here's what I suggest:
Prior to departure, take Beauregard out for a coffee. Tell him this:
"Beau, you know we have a lot of travel on the calendar for the coming months and based on our last few trips, we are likely to have delays and last minute changes. Can we talk about how you're going to prepare yourself for these changes so that you don't have the same reactions you've had the last few times. What can you do to make travel a better experience for you?" You'll probably get some bluster and blowback but be firm and say things like "I have observed that when flights are delayed, you raise your voice and often use inappropriate and unprofessional language with airline staff. I am not comfortable traveling with you when you use these tactics. What other approach could you use that would be more effective?" Keep pushing back gently and calmly. He'll likely escalate because he's a hothead and when he explodes, sit calmly and smile like the Mona Lisa. Blink very slowly and when he pauses for breath, say "Beau, this is exactly what I was talking about. You are not in control of yourself and you aren't representing ORG well with this behavior so you need to address is before we leave on DATE. What specific steps are you going to take so that we can continue to travel together? I cannot travel with you if you are going to behave this way going forward."
Then, you send a summary to Remote Manager (with a copy to HR) the following:
On DATE A, DATE B, DATE C and DATE D, Beauregard and I were traveling to LOCATIONS to DO WHATEVER THING YOU WERE DOING FOR THE ORGANIZATION and Beauregard engaged in unprofessional and unacceptable ways about our travel delays including threatening airline staff, drawing unwanted attention to use at the airport and raising concerns about my own safety and security. I have spoken to him about his inability to handle flight delays and schedule changes and have asked him to make specific and concrete improvements in order for us to continue to work together. We depart for LOCATION on DATE and I am hopeful that he will be able to comport himself in a way that is in alignment with ORG values and POLICY NAME. I will keep you updated on how this trip goes and would like a chance to debrief with you afterward. In the event that Beauregard is unable to behave himself in a professional manner, I will be formally requesting that he be moved from TEAM. Thank you.
I know it's kind of formal but there's a chance that his antics could cause an INTERNATIONAL INCIDENT or something slightly less dramatic. Do be careful dear.
Oh, and I suppose slipping a crushed up Xanax into his water bottle is outside of the realm of possibilities, right? KIDDING.
Well, well, well ... you have a Drama Llama! Bless his heart. So, here's the deal, you're going to have to handle this and manage your manager in the process. So here's what I suggest:
Prior to departure, take Beauregard out for a coffee. Tell him this:
"Beau, you know we have a lot of travel on the calendar for the coming months and based on our last few trips, we are likely to have delays and last minute changes. Can we talk about how you're going to prepare yourself for these changes so that you don't have the same reactions you've had the last few times. What can you do to make travel a better experience for you?" You'll probably get some bluster and blowback but be firm and say things like "I have observed that when flights are delayed, you raise your voice and often use inappropriate and unprofessional language with airline staff. I am not comfortable traveling with you when you use these tactics. What other approach could you use that would be more effective?" Keep pushing back gently and calmly. He'll likely escalate because he's a hothead and when he explodes, sit calmly and smile like the Mona Lisa. Blink very slowly and when he pauses for breath, say "Beau, this is exactly what I was talking about. You are not in control of yourself and you aren't representing ORG well with this behavior so you need to address is before we leave on DATE. What specific steps are you going to take so that we can continue to travel together? I cannot travel with you if you are going to behave this way going forward."
Then, you send a summary to Remote Manager (with a copy to HR) the following:
On DATE A, DATE B, DATE C and DATE D, Beauregard and I were traveling to LOCATIONS to DO WHATEVER THING YOU WERE DOING FOR THE ORGANIZATION and Beauregard engaged in unprofessional and unacceptable ways about our travel delays including threatening airline staff, drawing unwanted attention to use at the airport and raising concerns about my own safety and security. I have spoken to him about his inability to handle flight delays and schedule changes and have asked him to make specific and concrete improvements in order for us to continue to work together. We depart for LOCATION on DATE and I am hopeful that he will be able to comport himself in a way that is in alignment with ORG values and POLICY NAME. I will keep you updated on how this trip goes and would like a chance to debrief with you afterward. In the event that Beauregard is unable to behave himself in a professional manner, I will be formally requesting that he be moved from TEAM. Thank you.
I know it's kind of formal but there's a chance that his antics could cause an INTERNATIONAL INCIDENT or something slightly less dramatic. Do be careful dear.
Oh, and I suppose slipping a crushed up Xanax into his water bottle is outside of the realm of possibilities, right? KIDDING.
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